Wednesday, March 13, 2013

The Bleeping Bleep Report (Episodes 1 & 2)

The Bleep Report from Hell's Kitchen: Episodes 1 & 2

Everyone who's seen Hell's Kitchen knows what this report is about.  Here are the Bleeping rules:
  1. [Bleeps] in previews, reviews, and during commercials are not counted.
  2. Profane, obscene, and vulgar words that are not [bleeped out] are not counted.
  3. Extra-long [bleeps] count as one [bleep] because I cannot ascertain how many words were used.
  4. "Unknown" [bleep] means the [bleep] was from someone off-screen or from someone on-screne I could not identify immediately.
  5. I make the final determination on the [bleep] count because this topic is just for fun and should not be taken too seriously.

Chef Gordon Ramsay:  27
Barrett:  2
Susan:  0
Nedra:  5
Ray:  2
Zach:  11
Jessica:  0
Anthony:  0
Dan:  3
Jacquiline:  0
Amanda:  0
Cyndi:  2
Jon:  0
Christian:  2
Mary:  0
Sabastian:  4
Danielle:  5
Ja'nal:  0
Michael:  1
Gina:  4
Jeremy:  3
Unknown:  13
Total [bleeps]:  84
That breaks down to roughly one [bleep] every 90 seconds.  This is a little low due to the first episode where no one was stressed out.  Next weeks episode should have a higher [bleep] rate.

Special vulgar consideration to Nedra who stated at the end of Episode 2, "I don't want the Women's Team to lose.  But when they do, I'm gonna vote Gina out.  I'm gonna raise two hands and both [of] my Hoo Haas (referring to her breasts).  That'll be four votes."

At the end of Episode 2, Sebastian was booted off by Chef Ramsay.  Bless his heart.  He only had time to get bleeped four times.  His downfall can be summed-up when he referred to Chef Zach as "Zachy Wacky".  No, saying "Wacky Zachy" would not have made a difference.

In a surprising turn of events, eight of twenty (i.e. 40%) of the contestants did not say [bleep] or [bleep] at all.  That may be a record.  But I'm not going back through 10 seasons to find out.

Take some tome to leave a comment if you like.  Or just [bleep] off.

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