The Bleeping Bleep Report (Ep 3)

The Bleeping Bleep Report for Hell's Kitchen (episode 3).  See previous post for rules.

Chef Gordon Ramsay:  28
Barrett:  2
Susan:  7
Nedra:  11
Ray:  4
Zach:  4
Anthony:  3
Dan: 3
Jacquiline:  0
Amanda:  0
Cyndi:  3
Jon:  8
Christian:  0
Mary:  0
Danielle:  2
Ja'nal:  0
Michael:  1
Gina:  1
Jeremy:  1
Unknown:  13
Total:  92
Average bleeps:  1 every 30 seconds of actual air time.

Gina quit just 2 minutes into the show.
Christian was tossed at the end of the episode.

Other noteworthing items:
A)  Nedra revealed that she has named her "hoo haaas".
B)  After 57 minutes at the dinner service, the Men's team had still not produced one appetizer.  The industry standard for appetizers is 5 minutes.
C)  After 90 Minutes at the dinner service, the Men's team had still not produced one entree.  The normal industry standard for appetizers is 15 mminutes at dinner.

Watching this show gives me PTSD episodes.

The Bible (Episode 3)

Good evening,

As we have discussed before, a project of this size will require editiing out portions of the original stories.  In Episode 3 of The Bible, the following items were skipped.

1. The entire life of Solomon
2. The death of Solomon's father King David
3. The ensuing civil war upon King David's death
4. The division of Israel into two separate kingdoms (Israel & Judah)
5. All but one of the kings in the books of 1st Kings and 2nd Kings

I'm not listing these omissions as a criticism.  Instead, I want to pique your interest so that you read the Bible on your own.

There were, however, a few changes that were puzzling in the mini-series.

First, Daniel - in exile - interprets Nebuchadnezzar's dream.  In the mini-series, Daniel only talked of a single statue.  In the Book of Daniel, There are three statues, each with a different attribute and each one prophesying a different empire.

Second, the baptism of Jesus.  Immediately after Jesus is raised from the water by John the Baptist, the director takes a long shot at the sky - but that's all.  In the book, the heaven's are split open, a dove appears, and the voice of God is heard, "This is my Son, in whom I am well pleased."

Third, the death of John the Baptist.  In the mini-series, Pontius Pilate flies into a rage and decapitates John.  In the Books, it is the wife of Pontius Pilate who conives to have John executed.  Thus, in the mini-series, Pilate appears to be much more evil than he really was.

In each of these trhee instances, it would have been possible to show the entire scene without sacrificing air time.  I find this slightly strange.

It would also seem that the mini-series is mainly dedicated to the life of Christ.  The Holy Bible is about 2/3'rds Old Testament and 1/3'rd New Testament. 

Please let me know your opinion.

Sincerely,
Russell

"The Bible" is a Ratings Bonanza !!

According to the Daniel Wattenberg at the Washington Times, "The Bible" (a mini-series) is a broadcast ratings bonanza for the History Channel.

Many of you know from my earlier posts that I'm a little disappointed in this mini-series and I still stand by my earlier statements.

However, I am pleasantly surprised that the event is a big hit.  One of the statements I made earlier was that this show would help many people have a greater understanding of Biblical stories and help them understand the order of the historical biblical sagas.

It would appear that there are many people who are benefitting from this project and I hope they contiue to watch the ensuing episodes.

The series airs on the History Channel every Sunday at 8:00pm Eastern / 7:00pm Central.

Bonus:  If you're a big fan of Touched by an Angel, then you'll be glad to know that "The Bible" is produced by Roma Downey and her husband Mark Burnett.  She also appears on the show as Mother Mary.

The Bleeping Bleep Report (Episodes 1 & 2)

The Bleep Report from Hell's Kitchen: Episodes 1 & 2

 
Everyone who's seen Hell's Kitchen knows what this report is about.  Here are the Bleeping rules:

1. [Bleeps] in previews, reviews, and during commercials are not counted.
2. Profane, obscene, and vulgar words that are not [bleeped out] are not counted.
3. Extra-long [bleeps] count as one [bleep] because I cannot ascertain how many words were used.
4. "Unknown" [bleep] means the [bleep] was from someone off-screen or from someone on-screne I could not identify immediately.
5. I make the final determination on the [bleep] count because this topic is just for fun and should not be taken too seriously.

Chef Gordon Ramsay:  27
Barrett:  2
Susan:  0
Nedra:  5
Ray:  2
Zach:  11
Jessica:  0
Anthony:  0
Dan:  3
Jacquiline:  0
Amanda:  0
Cyndi:  2
Jon:  0
Christian:  2
Mary:  0
Sabastian:  4
Danielle:  5
Ja'nal:  0
Michael:  1
Gina:  4
Jeremy:  3
Unknown:  13
Total [bleeps]:  84
That breaks down to roughly one [bleep] every 90 seconds.  This is a little low due to the first episode where no one was stressed out.  Next weeks episode should have a higher [bleep] rate.

Special vulgar consideration to Nedra who stated at the end of Episode 2, "I don't want the Women's Team to lose.  But when they do, I'm gonna vote Gina out.  I'm gonna raise two hands and both [of] my Hoo Haas (referring to her breasts).  That'll be four votes."

At the end of Episode 2, Sebastian was booted off by Chef Ramsay.  Bless his heart.  He only had time to get bleeped four times.  His downfall can be summed-up when he referred to Chef Zach as "Zachy Wacky".  No, saying "Wacky Zachy" would not have made a difference.

In a surprising turn of events, eight of twenty (i.e. 40%) of the contestants did not say [bleep] or [bleep] at all.  That may be a record.  But I'm not going back through 10 seasons to find out.

Take some tome to leave a comment if you like.  Or just [bleep] off.

Too Much News

What happens when there is more news during the day than you can handle?

City:  Dallas, TX
Date:  March 13, 2013
Time:  Between 5:00pm and 5:15 pm C.D.T.
Place:  ESPN - Dallas (103.3 FM)
Program:  "Galloway and Company" (a.k.a. GAC) starring Randy Galloway and Matt Mosley.
Subject:  Baseball News ala the Texas Rangers

I am a big fan of Randy Galloway, Matt Mosley, and the rest of the GAC team.  And I'm not trying to mock anyone on the show.  What I am trying to do is show what happens when big news overshadows anything you are trying to do.

The following 'transcript' is paraphased.  I may even have the wrong pitcher listed.  It's still slightly funny.

Randy Galloway:  Anyway, the good news is that the Rangers have signed a strong submariner (i.e. left-handed pitcher) today from Argentina, Jorge Bergoglio.  Is that it (the name)?

Matt Mosley:  No, that doesn't sound right.

Randy:  (sigh) no it's a ... I thought it was Jorge.

Matt:  No ... um ... Jorge is the newly-elected Pope.  He's from Argentina.

Randy:  Yeah, that's it.  Who am I thinking of?  Lisalverto Bonilla.  They just brought Lisalverto onto the team.  He's a submariner (left-handed pitcher) I do believe.

Guys... I completely understand.

Sincerly, Russell

The Bible (a Mini-series) #2

Just finished viewing the second of five, two-hour episodes of The Bible on The History Channel.

It looks like this is going to be a long ride for me.  I knew that the writers would "skip a bit".  But I feel like the viewers are being cheated.  See last week's post for more details on that.

Here is what they skipped last week: (a partial list)

1. The Code of Hamurabi
2. The Tower of Babylon
3. The Life of Isaac
4. The Life of Jacob
5. The Life of Joseph
6. The meaning of the 10 Plagues of Egypt (in the Book of Exodus)
7. The entire books of Leviticus, Numbers, & Deuteronomy (although these books can be condensed to a large degree.

Here's what they skipped this week.

1. All of the Book of Joshua except for the Battle of Jericho.  This means that at least one act of disobedience was omitted as well as the occupation of the Land of Canaan and the negotiation of land distribution among the tribes of Isreal.
2. All of the Book of Judges except for Sampson - and that was glossed over.  By omitting the vast amount of the Book of Judges, you miss out on several recurring themes in human and Isreali history.  By glossing over the story of Sampson, you missout on how ... um ... intelectually challenged the man was.  Besides, you coudn't squeeze in Gideon?
3. The Book of Ruth -- although this book does not drive the story line, it can be culturally revealing if it is properly presented.

It seems like the Book of 1 Samuel is where the mini-series begins to get a little more serious.  However, the writers condensed Samuel and Eli into one character, omitted the story-line of Samuel and his close relationship with God, and avoided David's puzzling tenure as the leader of a gentile army that attacked Israel -- repeatedly.

In addition to that, they completely deleted Bathsheeba's famous bathing scene.  Really, you're going to have battle scenes and show people having their throats slashed, but you can't get a long-distance shot of a woman in a bathtub?  Finally, they omitted the decline and death of King David which resulted in a civil war between his sons..

They covered Solomon's birth and ended with building the Temple.  But mysteriously skipped everything that demonstrated Solomon's wisdom, wealth, and fame.

Update (3/11/13):  I reviewed the last 45 minutes of this episode and need to correct a few of my comments.  First, they did have a bathing scene with Bathsheeba.  But it was in a secluded garden instead of the top of her house.  This certainly added to the exotic nature of her beauty but also stunts her character development.  Second, the death of King David will likely be in next weeks episode.  And finally, since Solomon was just a child at the end of Episode 2, I assume his life will be better explained in Episode 3.

Signing off (but that should be Sighning off)

The Bible (a mini-series)

I just finished watching the recording of The Bible.  The first episode left me a little ambivalent.

Here are some of the Pluses:

1. The mini-series opens with a fair disclaimer:  "This program is an adaptation of Bible stories.  It endeavors to stay true to the spirit of the book.  Some scenes contain violence.  Viewer discretion is advised."
2. The cinematography does an adequate job conveying the atmosphere of the ancient world.  Lott's home has a crude door for example.  And the terrain will remind you of the Middle East (I couldn't confirm the actual filming locations). 
3. The writers have produced a script that is not deliberately misleading or negative.
4. The entire production does it's best within the limited 10 hour time frame for the broadcast (7 hours after you remove commercials).  Please remember that there are 66 books in the Bible; 25 (or so) if you just include historical books.
5. This mini-series might be considered a primer for someone who knows very little about biblical stories or the Bible.

Drawbacks:

1. Considering item 4 above, it should be no surprise that the stories are glossed-over.  In fact, you'll find fashion magazine covers that aren't this shallow. Even worse, some of the better-known stoires had to be left out.  In episode one, The Code of Hamurabi, the Tower of Babble, The Story of Isaac, the Dispersion of the Tribes, The Story of Jacob (including the Story of Jacob & Esau), and the Story of Joseph are all omitted.
2. The producers/directors/writers have omitted many troubling moments that underscore the emotional severity of a particular scene.  The best example here would be when the citizens of Sodom bang on Lott's door demanding to see the two strangers (Angels xent by God).  In the story, Lott offers his daughters to the crowd instead of the Angels. 
3. The hermeneutics are extremely limited.  Hermeneutics is the art and the science of interpreting any text (not just Biblical texts).  With a better screenplay adaptation, some scenes would have deeper meaning.  In particular, Abraham would come across as a man of deep faith, instead of slightly insane.
4. The Old Testament is about more than just the stories.  There is a tremendous theme throughout the entire Hebrew scriptures dealing with people's struggle understanding and obeying God.  This struggle has been completely omitted.
5. Surprisingly, the "scenes of violence" are both over-done and watered-down.  The ones that are included in the series are not that violent in the Book.  And the ones in that are in the Book (but omitted from the series) are much worse.

Despite the difficulty, I'll be watching every episode.  Can't help it.  I want to be fair and abandoning the 5 week long broadcast after just one viewing isn't fair.

However, Jews and Christians will likely be bored with The Bible while folks with lesser exposure to scripture will come away believing that Religion and the Judeo-Christian beliefs are "quaint".

Please let me know what you think.

Russell

P.S.  I'll be covering the most shocking moments of the Bible during the next two weeks.